Welcome to the Rounded Keeper 2020/21!
It's been an unusual year for the shadowy landlord of our much loved virtual watering hole. Firstly his expensive, sentient and (to the landlord's horror) highly litigious robotic barman left, taking on an exciting new role fighting crime in America with Omni Consumer Products.
Unfortunately for our publican, the robo-server did not leave quietly, and took with him a hefty out-of-court settlement for what the press described as "an astonishing disregard for the personal space, physical safety and USB-c fast-charging needs of his staff".
Gretchen is still away (distance learning her way to a law degree which will undoubtedly lead to the landlord's incarceration) so in a particularly inauspicious attempt to fill the gap behind the bar, our employment-law-ignorer-in-chief took a late summer trip to Wuhan City to indulge his twin loves of cheap labour and bat head soup. Unfortunately for both him and us, only the soup was in plentiful supply and our landlord returned, still staff-less, but with a dry cough and a strangely lacking sense of smell (admittedly an advantage given the state of the facilities in this establishment).
Fast-forward a few months and a fraudulent bounce back loan coupled with several false furlough claims has raised just enough cash to build a dodgy drink-ordering phone app (please click "nyet" on any popups that appear after installing) and a fleet of Contactless Receiver Drones (CRDs) for automated delivery.
The Rounded Keeper is therefore back in action and fully covid-secure just in time for the start of the new season!
So come in, take a socially distanced seat behind a perspex screen and delete all of your old private Facebook chats while you wait for your first beer-drone of the season.
The Rounded Keeper FPL League
A warm welcome to the inaugural The Rounded Keeper locals league.
There are bragging rights up for grabs as well as the Honorary Title, ‘Landlord of The Rounded Keeper’, for the following season.
As with all of The Rounded Keeper’s pub games we’re aiming for more of a Cheers-type local vibe, ‘where everybody knows your name’; than League of Gentlemen’s ‘local pub for local people’. Any FPL Player is welcome to spend some time in The Rounded Keeper, buy a few socially distanced drinks, get to know us all and be invited to join the League.
But if you pop in on a stag do, seduce Gretchen - or one of the CRDs - break their heart and don’t visit again we may have to introduce you to the door staff.
Sign-up for your chance to be named "Landlord of The Rounded Keeper" here